Matthews Family Herald

Today, I noticed that our family was getting sloppy and undisciplined and I started wondering how I could address the situation. Okay, "a lotta bit" sloppy and undisciplined over the week because we are pretty laid back, overall and so for me to say something means it's gotten pretty bad. Anyway...

As we all talked about it together, my wife and I tag teamed the discussion, so to speak, and began talking to our kids about how we wanted them to develop their life habits, their approach to challenges, and to developing self discipline. Heather and I ended up coming up with "The Temple Technique."

There are four basic level to the temple and we compared them in this manner: Let's say someone realized cleaning up a city park was needed. So, they decided to plan, organize and execute a clean up and renovating project. Level 4 would be those who choose not even to enter the outer courts and so they walk pass by the project and don't get involved. They might gossip about it or whatever but they are not interested in helping. Level 3 would be the "outer courts" and these are the people who are interested enough to volunteer to help. They do whatever that one thing is that they agreed to volunteer for and that's it. Level 2 guys are the "inner court" folks who not only do the work they volunteered for but they also come in and maybe either help set up and/or help tear down. They might even help recruit other volunteers. Now, the Level 1 guys are the ones who enter into the "holy of holies." They dream up the plan, organize it all, get everyone motivated, and then make it happen.

I challenged my kids to try and be "holy of holies" dwellers while admitting that I have spent much of my life in the outer courts and I've also delved into the inner courts quite a bit. Once in awhile I have dwelt in the holy of holies but I think I could do a lot more of this in the future. What about you?

Nothing too profound, but just wanted to share two stories from experiences I had this week; experiences that have some sort of spiritual nuggets tucked in within them.

I'm not normally a church goer but I did so more than once while in Virginia last month. This experience wasn't all bad, apparently, and this is proved by a funny event that happened while returning to work this week. I was feeling pretty happy about being back around the people I am called to work with and I had enjoyed greeting and catching up with them throughout the day. During the course of doing that, one especially macho-type guy there greeted me and shook my hand. He then moved for a paper on the printer behind me, but the way he moved and reached gave my subconscious the impression he was greeting me with a hug, like people do at church. I responded with returning the hug gesture and the co-worker backed up and said something like "you know I don't roll like that, man." It was awkward and funny but also made me sad that such a gesture would be considered abnormal. It wouldn't be if we were in heaven.

The other thing that happened was that upon returning home from Virginia, I noticed that our Beta's fish tank was looking pretty murky and in need of a cleaning. I decided to take care of that today, and when I opened the lid to begin the process, I was shocked to see that the water was chrystal clear looking down from directly above. The sides of the tank were dirty and gave the impression that the water was nasty. Not what you'd expect to be the stuff of spiritual inspiration or insight, but I recall wondering how many times we get it wrong in life by measuring what's inside by what we see on the outside.

Muhammad Yunus has helped millions of impoverished people; ninety-something percent of those helped being women.

Why does he focus most of his energy on women, anyway? That's a question I wanted to ask and a statement from him that I didn't really like. The honest truth, though, is that I already knew the answer. In his own words, he answers the question by saying, quote:

"... Women have plans for themselves, for their children, about their home, the meals. They have a Vision. A man wants to enjoy himself ..."

It should not be this way, but largely, it is. It's not impossible for things to be set right. I'm a man who has some vision for his family and obviously, there must be other men who do as well. Dr. Yunus is a man, after all. I know of many Godly men who are connected with their wives and with their families.

But the reality is that this sort of man seems to largely be a minority in our world. I here of women in destitution because of the men they have married or been with from my missionary friends living in Kenya. I see woman after woman in the Army who are single Moms or who live with deadbeat men who won't lift anything but a beer can or a video game controller. Just this week, I've met two single Moms who work at the hotel desk where I'm staying in Virginia.

Women are amazing creatures and for all the feeling inside and irritation I sometimes feel when ministries or governments focus more on women, well, goodness, why are we as men surprised? Men of integrity, we all need to step up and alleviate the need to focus on women in crisis if we want things to balance back where they belong.

Women carry the weight where we leave off. It's something to tear your garments over, to throw ashes on your head over, and weep and mourn because of. Thank a woman today, hug your Mother, and then challege your fellow men to step up.

Isaiah 3:12
Youths oppress my people, women rule over them. O my people, your guides lead you astray; they turn you from the path.

When it comes to charismatic leadership or sports performance, I don't shine out as awe inspiring. In the workplace as well, I'm a "Jack of all trades and a master of none." This state-of-affairs gets old and frustrating, and leaving me wondering what purpose and significance I have "out there" in the big world.

My wife reminded me today that God sometimes allows us to stay humbled in some areas of life to increase our "usability" in other areas. I thought I'd share two recent examples of how I have been useful in hopes to helping a kindred hearts reading here.

In my Virginia class of 19 students, we have a kind person and a mean person who happen to share a room. The mean person lost an important, work-related item and the kind person happened to find it. The kind person, after having endured weeks of antagonism from the mean one, let go of kindness and decided to throw the item away and and revel in sweet revenge. I handed the item back to the kind person and said "are you sure you don't want to take this chance to make peace," with a smile. The kind person actually agreed, took the item out of my hand, and looked happy to do the right thing.

Today, a fellow classmate's wife and his 3-year old son had traveled here to visit my friend over the weekend. However, a last-minute change had all of us back in class on Saturday at 8am. It was now 1:30pm and my friend was distressed but holding his frustration well. I came to him, hoping to encourage him to ask to leave, and said "I can't see why they wouldn't let you go with your family. We are basically finished here." Although I didn't know it, a key class leader was right behind us and heard what I said. Minutes later, my friend had been released quietly and I saw him looking full of joy and leaving with his family at last. The rest of the class didn't leave until after 3pm and I heard one person complain that our classmate left early. I guess "misery loves company" but I felt good about what happened.

Our significance at home is more obvious when we look at our children and our spouse. But even in the wide world out there, we might not get fame, great wealth, or attract large followings with our leadership, but God uses even those like me (and you) to make a great difference in our world and in the lives of others.

In looking at home fellowships here in Virginia, I came across a group's doctrine saying they believed the age of gifts and miracles has ended but that "We do acknowledge and rejoice that God still chooses to perform miracles on occasions when it suits His purposes." Are they right? I haven't heard of any seas parting recently. Even so, I believe their statement to be way off because God has actually increased His miracles here among us.

To illustrate this, I recall hearing it said that following Jesus is easier today than it was to follow God in the Old Testament days. I disagree. Jesus actually raised the standards. Before, you could not sleep with someone other than your husband or wife, for example. Now, you can't even look at someone else lustfully. Before, you could not murder someone. Now, you can't even hate them in your heart or you are already guilty of murder.

In the old days, the Prophets received the spirit of the Lord and were used to anoint others occasionally. God usually touched or led one person and then that person directed everyone else. But today, He has poured out His spirit on all of us. Any of us can hear, and feel, and know the Lord for ourselves. In the old days, God performed fantastical miracles using a few people. But today, His works among us are like the sands of the seas, the stars of the sky, or like the hairs on our heads; All over the place, at all moments of time, and beyond number.

Can't seem to detect an outpouring of God's spirit and miracles in our days? It may be because your either somewhere out in the desert, couped up and sheltered indoors, or you may need to close up the umbrella you're carrying over your head.

I'm at a U.S. Army "professional development" school in Virginia right now that is a mandatory part of career progression for an enlisted person like myself. It reminds me of my public education experiences in some ways because we are learning the same technical and tactical things we learned in basic training and in my "job skill" schooling, but now on a deeper level and for a higher level of responsibility. Funny to say, but in some ways it also reminds me of some religious or other organizations that teach you things in various levels as you grow within the group.

For example, we covered the foundations for "operational law" or "law of warfare" in a way that I found fascinating. A bit sobering also, because, after reviewing the Hague Conventions, Geneva Convention treaties, etc., I discovered that the effort to organize as one World has been going on since at least the 1800s, and probably long before that, but here was proof. As far as the "laws of warfare," I thought they were great ideas and that they have likely made a large improvement of things. But they'd help so much more if Nations would follow them! All nations, I mean. (and I notice there's three fingers pointing back at us (I'm in America) as I say this. Regardless, I've found a new, favorite career emphasis which amounts offering a strong, moral influence for commanders and Soldiers to consider in the conduct of war. Something there's a great need for.

I wanted to talk about memorization and recitation. A basic, scholastic skill that may not be used much in today's public schools, but was used in the "old days" and is definitely a part of Soldier indoctrination. We have creeds for the new Soldier to learn and creeds for the Enlisted leaders to recite. We at this school recite them at least 3 times per day and so I can almost be asleep and say them well. The amazing thing is that I've noticed that certain sentences of this creed will "pop" into my head at certain moments of decision. Sentences like "I will exercise initiative by taking appropriate actions in the absence of orders" and "I will not compromise my integrity or my moral courage." This technique works and can strengthen a person's moral and situational compass.

The idea was not the Army's or the school system's; It was not even the church's. It was God's. You can find it in the Bible. "I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you." (Psalm 119:11) Here away from my family, it's lonely and depressing to be away and there are temptations and troubles all about. (Not too many in the social arena for me, actually, as I've never really been much of a "Mr. Popular" but that's all right with me.) But anyway, a powerful verse that's often come into my head at "just the right time" is "if I had cherished iniquity in my heart, He would not have listened." (Psalm 66:18)

When I pray, I want God to listen. When I reach for Abba, my Father, I want Him to hold my hand and to hear me. I want to connect with God. Whatever it is that I might be wanting to do or to get involved with is not worth trading a connection of fellowship with my Father for. But reading His word regularly and completely helps to make a difference, as well as efforts to memorize scripture. It's been my experience that God will use that familiarization with His word to benefit and emphasize something for me, and at just the right moment in life when I need it.

Photo used with permission and found at: http://www.flickr.com/photos/aussiegall/374268661/

I'm alone in a hotel room, many states apart here in America from my family as I do some schooling. I can tell you, I prepared to leave the hotel to get some food and felt a little overcome by loneliness and the fact that I can be a bit of a social misfit. This is partly because I'm not content with superficial relationships.

But anyway, as my heart ached over having to eat a meal alone, I praying that if it were His will, that God might send someone to eat with me. I even took the longer route through the hotel and checked the lobby to see if anyone was around from my class. Well, I made it to the car and drove toward a restaurant but decided I was going to rent a movie and get a frozen pizza instead. I had let go of the desire for companionship and decided I was content with whatever God wanted.

As I was searching a local movie rental, one of my classmates called me, a guy who happens to be Jewish and outspoken, called and asked if I'd like to have dinner with him. It was unusual because He knows of my faith in Jesus and the like. We had a nice meal and good conversation. I am thankful to have spent the time tonight with a friend and thankful that what I needed was also what I wanted this time.

Now, I'm sitting here searching through Amazon.com's selection of 36 "free sampler" Mp3 albums. I've got some cool music from India, some Celtic Summer 2009, and some stuff from Israel. All modern music. You could give it a look..er, a listen. :) Prayer, I mean. But the music too, of course.

-James Matthews

As I was telling a co-worker or two on Thursday, my wife and I are going through a little "grouchy" or "gripey" season lately. To put it plainly, we've been bickering here and there and more than what is normal, as of late.

Today, we went over to the house of a friend of ours in order to celebrate their daughter's birthday today. (If you've seen me posting on Facebook then you realize this is the 6th birthday-related event we've taken part in this month. Good gravy!)

The husband and I are friends and we talked about bickering with our wives and, as it turns out, he's been clashing with his wife too and he often responds the wrong way and makes things worse. I had to laugh because I knew exactly what he was talking about. I know what I should say or do (to avoid offense and cool an argument down) but that thing I really want to say...well, I sometimes just blurt it out and it feels so good to say it, for a second anyway, but it's never worth it, in the end. He told me about a verse in the Bible that says a mature man can control his tongue. I must still not be mature then and laughingly said he must not be either.

He furthermore suggested that when someone says a hurtful thing, responding the right way and not retaliating is a part of suffering with Christ. During an argument, we can take in hurtful words and build up those dark thunderclouds of anger and finally decide we've had enough. We bring down a fury of backlash and stand up for ourselves. "I don't have to take this!"

But what about Christ? He was on the cross but He didn't have to take it either. He could have come down from hanging on those nails. He could have stood up for Himself and brought down an Army from Heaven to avenge His suffering. But He didn't. He hung there, suffering and in agony, and His only response to the abuse was "forgive them, Father. They don't realize what they are doing."

That's amazing. Suffering with Christ can include not retaliating when someone is hurtful. It's letting go of my right to defend myself. It's deciding to hang there on the cross and take it, and forgiving them with sympathy. "They don't really know what they are doing" instead of taking revenge.

My sister, Lydia, is visiting us this week and it's a joy to have her here. She and I had changing parental circumstances growing up but one variable did not change; we grew up together and we had each other.

Last night, I dreamed that I was walking through my grandparent's home (our grandparents raised us for awhile and one them, our grandmother, has already passed away) and it was obvious that, in the dream, they were no longer alive and everything was different. Everything was messy and in disarray. To my relief, I found one room in the home that was "devolving" like the other rooms but was similar enough to how I remembered it in order for me to feel comfortable remembering how it was living with them.

So anyway, thinking about them, Lydia reminded me of a delicious snack that our grandmother, Nonny, used to make all the time; fried Cheerios. I'm putting a YouTube video link here for your viewing pleasure. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f93j3foTt5s

You melt a pat of butter in a frying pan and leave it on medium heat. Pour a cup or two of Cheerios into the pan and fry until they begin to darken a little. Then pour in few tablespoons of powdered sugar and stir that in. They taste awesome. My wife suggested I sprinkle in a little cinnamon and I did that also. A dash of salt and you have a perfect snack.

My kids loved it and I felt like I passed on some of my Nonny's love to the kids. With my wife's help, we added our own love and "improvements" and made it our own.

Here's the link to the video I found that partly shows the process: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f93j3foTt5s

(This is a post I submitted to the site: www.purechristianity.blogs.com )

The word "Righteousness" is derived, in biblical terms, from the Hebrew word "sedeq" and denotes right standing and consequent right behavior within a community. (New Dictionary of Theology - Wright/Ferguson/Packer)

I think that all those with faith in Christ form one, big family. One big community. Those who enjoy this blog site regularly are part of a community centered here on what the Brooks are doing as well. So, we are all here together in this boat. Hi neighbor.

To me, Righteousness is not something I can earn by doing or not doing certain things. It's something that God stamps upon me when I accept what His Son, Jesus, did to pay for all the punishment I deserve and so I am again able to relate to God and to fellowship with Him again, based upon my cleanness or righteousness given to me by God. So, I can by no means be Self Righteous unless I can somehow claim that God is pleased with me based on how I behave. God calls me 'Righteous" but I guess you could say I am "Christ Righteous" instead of "Self Righteous."

But why, then, are there things that I don't do anymore? Why would that be important? Well, when my conscience relays a strong reaction to something, then I pray and ask God about it. If I can't seem to feel right about it, then I'll stop doing whatever that thing is. This does not mean I have now become "Self Righteous" but instead it could perhaps be said that I am now simply "Obedient."

Whoa. But wait, does that mean that I'm accusing anyone else who still does that thing that I have stopped doing, (like watching Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, or Dark Chrystal), of not being obedient to God? That's hard to answer because I have no idea what God is telling them. Did you know it is possible that you are watching those three things, for example, and being obedient and that, at the same time, I am not watching any of those things and also being obedient as well? Yes. It's true.

Many say that the "unity of the faith" means that everyone is acting, looking, talking, and behaving the same. I say that true "unity in the faith" comes more so when everyone is being obedient and allowing each other the breathing room to not conform to themselves, but instead to be sensitive to God and obey Him where ever they are at in their "walk with God." If you check out some of the New Testament writings, you'll find Paul saying that some think one day is special above all others, and then others think all days are equal and that, somehow, both types of people are obedient.

Another example shows that some people eat meat and drink wine and are right in God's eyes, while another group never eats meat or drinks any wine and they are also right in God's eyes. That's what I'm saying here. If you like Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings and Dark Chrystal and anything else, that's just wonderful for you. All you are responsible for is simply being honest with yourself and with God and with others. If you can honestly say your conscience isn't bothered and God isn't asking you to stop, well then that's great. If your brother or sister next door, however, doesn't do those things, well, that's okay too. No need to be angry with them or start calling them names. Leave them alone and let them obey God too. There may be a reason that this "weaker brother" or sister isn't able to watch them right now and you don't want to be responsible for keeping them from growing and obeying God.

Paul says that he would not eat meat or drink wine or do anything else that would cause his "weaker brother" to stumble into what would be a sin for that weaker brother. This means that Paul recognized that he was in a relationship and a community with his fellow brothers and sisters. Paul had the freedom in Christ to enjoy meat eating and wine drinking but he would not do these things in front of those he was in fellowship with if it would offend them. I'd like to challenge you to consider the same.

Don't continually throw your participation and enjoyment in things that offend others you are in community with, up in their faces. Enjoy those things you do, in obedience to God, but enjoy them on your own. You don't have to draw attention to them constantly and thereby cause others to stumble, be offended, and eventually lose fellowship with them.

I'd say we all need to grow up a little bit and try and enjoy the "unity of the faith" by not trying to get everyone else to agree with our point-of-view but instead, let God's miracle of unity in spite of differences shine forth.

James Matthews

We have next-door neighbors who are also followers of Jesus. They are not much younger than ourselves and the Dad, Matthew, is an E-5 in the Marine Corps. They have two kids which are very close in age to our two youngest kids, Nathan and Eden. We help one another out with various projects, like Matthew once dug a hole for a rose bush Heather wanted to plant while I was at a school. We take each other's trash in and out from the drive ways if one of us forgets. We share newspapers, magazines, and coupons. One of my favorite ways that we work together is that we share baked goods like cakes, pies, cobblers, and things like that. (Not to mention borrowing eggs, milk, and other ingredients when we are short of something for a recipe.)

Unfortunately, our neighbor had a family crisis and had to take off. So, our family is in charge of feeding their dog, watering their plants, and keeping a general "eye on the place" for them while they are away. (They gave us all their perishable foodstuffs while they left since it may be a little while that they are gone. This turned out to be a big blessing as we can never have too much food around with our family of eight)
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Micah stepped up and wanted to be in charge of this and so he takes care of everything each day and then I go behind him at the end of the day and make sure everything is locked up. Things tend to get misplaced in a big family like ours and so we have attached their set of house keys to a large hanger to make it easier to keep track of the keys.

But the silver lining in all of this (if having Godly and great neighbors isn't enough!) is that on the next day after they left, they called us up and were very excited to announce that they are again pregnant! We are very happy for them here at home as there could be no better gift that the Lord provides.

Have you, as a follower of Jesus and if you are a follower of Jesus, been wondering where your sin has gone to?

Oddly, I've heard several people debating in the past over whether or not there is a place where God says your sins are cast into the "sea of forgetfulness" or something like that. Today, I came across the verse that mentions that our sins are cast into the bottom of the sea.

Micah 7:18-19 (New International Reader's Version)

18 Lord, who is a God like you?
You forgive sin.
You forgive your people
when they do what is wrong.
You don't stay angry forever.
Instead, you take delight in showing
your faithful love to them.
19 Once again you will show loving concern for us.
You will completely wipe out
the evil things we've done.
You will throw all of our sins
into the bottom of the sea.

No wonder it's so heavy and crushing when anyone tries to go down there. No sunlight. Probably pretty muchy and nasty too. I'm glad mine are down there and I do not want to try and revisit them. I definately don't want to bring any of it back up to the surface either. I want to make sure it's firmly planted there; wouldn't want anything washing up on the beach with the tide or floating there just under the surface.

My grandmother raised me and she always had tons of plants around. I too have lots of plants as a way to keep her memory alive and because I love them also. The other day, I was looking at my favorite plants and it dawned on me that they look like beautiful potted plants in their current level of growth, but the favorites I have happen to actually be trees that grow very large and whose stems turn into bark on the outside if given big enough pots and the right conditions.

I began to wonder how much of my own life was like these plants. These plants can grow, to a point, but will not achieve their all unless I am willing to continually make the investment required to purchase larger pots and to do the hard work of transplanting them and adding in the extra dirt and nutrients. I have known in my heart that it’s time for them to be transplanted but week after week, I’m content to do it “next time” or not at all. So, things stay the same while I only do what’s needed to keep them alive and at their current level of growth.

How much do we limit ourselves by simply being content where we are and not being willing to do the work and confront the hardships required to reach our full potential, beauty, and contribution in the world to others? But what about when it’s more than just getting out of our comfort zones? What about when pain and hurt are involved?

Yesterday, I was walking behind a woman who was pretty large. (This is not an attack on large people but meant as an object lesson.) She was dressed nicely and presented herself well. She demonstrated her unhappiness, however (I thought) with her size by the great trouble she went to in order to try and conceal her “largeness” by the types of clothing she purchased and the way that she wore them.

This is not an attack on largeness and not meant as a judgment, but it made me wonder why we so often go to so much trouble to cover up symptoms and conceal the things we don’t like about ourselves instead of choosing the harder and more challenging task of confronting the cause. It would be much harder to change her eating habits and to go out and exercise regularly and achieve the look she really wants. Instead, she is content to purchase bigger clothes and continue to shift around the problem and let the problem dictate her behavior. The problem is the boss and she reacts. It’s like an invader who takes more ground and she adjusts her life to what the invader takes.

In earlier years, my wife and I often tried to have regular, morning time prayer and study of the bible. This often led to disagreements, fights, hurt feelings and the like and so for years we have stopped doing this. We concluded that we would be better off seeking God individually instead of together. While this might be necessary in the short term, in the long term we would be wise to continue trying to grow together and not give up on being able to seek the Lord together. But it’s so much easier to just avoid conflict and stay away from discovering and conquering the problem. The invader keeps his ground and we work around him instead.

My grandmother had two Siamese cats in her younger years and loved this pair with all her heart. When they died it devastated her and although she always continued to love animals, she would often avoid the act of getting other pets because “it would just be too painful to go through that again.” I always felt like the person she was robbing the most with her attitude was herself, although we all lost out on the joys of having a pet because of this attitude. She was missing out on stretching, loving, and growing again because the pain of loss had become king and ruler of that part of her heart. Fear of this pain ruled the way and prevented all around her from growing in a new relationship as well. She did eventually have an occasional pet but this is often a hardship we face. Learning to overcome what loss feels like and to love again.

For years, I would cringe at certain types of music or movies and with certain locations and many other things because they all reminded me of one painful experience or another. Previous loves and hurts I had experienced or certain phrases I once said to someone or if I knew of a saying a previous love of my wife’s had said or used, I would avoid it. But I one day realized that I could take control and make those mine. Pain and hurt had become the walls around me controlling what I could do, where I could go, etc. I one day decided to take ownership of these things, break down their associations with the past, and be free to enjoy them again and associate them with things healthy and positive in my life. I am so much happier now.

I guess I just wanted to talk about the biggest challenge I face and I think a lot of us face; ourselves. I wanted to talk about taking ownership and control again and encourage myself and others to challenge the problems we have inside of us instead of laying one bandage on top of the other.What about you? What are your thoughts and would you like to share your challenges or observations?

Photo found at: http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Bonsai_Tree_071.jpg