Matthews Family Herald

My grandmother raised me and she always had tons of plants around. I too have lots of plants as a way to keep her memory alive and because I love them also. The other day, I was looking at my favorite plants and it dawned on me that they look like beautiful potted plants in their current level of growth, but the favorites I have happen to actually be trees that grow very large and whose stems turn into bark on the outside if given big enough pots and the right conditions.

I began to wonder how much of my own life was like these plants. These plants can grow, to a point, but will not achieve their all unless I am willing to continually make the investment required to purchase larger pots and to do the hard work of transplanting them and adding in the extra dirt and nutrients. I have known in my heart that it’s time for them to be transplanted but week after week, I’m content to do it “next time” or not at all. So, things stay the same while I only do what’s needed to keep them alive and at their current level of growth.

How much do we limit ourselves by simply being content where we are and not being willing to do the work and confront the hardships required to reach our full potential, beauty, and contribution in the world to others? But what about when it’s more than just getting out of our comfort zones? What about when pain and hurt are involved?

Yesterday, I was walking behind a woman who was pretty large. (This is not an attack on large people but meant as an object lesson.) She was dressed nicely and presented herself well. She demonstrated her unhappiness, however (I thought) with her size by the great trouble she went to in order to try and conceal her “largeness” by the types of clothing she purchased and the way that she wore them.

This is not an attack on largeness and not meant as a judgment, but it made me wonder why we so often go to so much trouble to cover up symptoms and conceal the things we don’t like about ourselves instead of choosing the harder and more challenging task of confronting the cause. It would be much harder to change her eating habits and to go out and exercise regularly and achieve the look she really wants. Instead, she is content to purchase bigger clothes and continue to shift around the problem and let the problem dictate her behavior. The problem is the boss and she reacts. It’s like an invader who takes more ground and she adjusts her life to what the invader takes.

In earlier years, my wife and I often tried to have regular, morning time prayer and study of the bible. This often led to disagreements, fights, hurt feelings and the like and so for years we have stopped doing this. We concluded that we would be better off seeking God individually instead of together. While this might be necessary in the short term, in the long term we would be wise to continue trying to grow together and not give up on being able to seek the Lord together. But it’s so much easier to just avoid conflict and stay away from discovering and conquering the problem. The invader keeps his ground and we work around him instead.

My grandmother had two Siamese cats in her younger years and loved this pair with all her heart. When they died it devastated her and although she always continued to love animals, she would often avoid the act of getting other pets because “it would just be too painful to go through that again.” I always felt like the person she was robbing the most with her attitude was herself, although we all lost out on the joys of having a pet because of this attitude. She was missing out on stretching, loving, and growing again because the pain of loss had become king and ruler of that part of her heart. Fear of this pain ruled the way and prevented all around her from growing in a new relationship as well. She did eventually have an occasional pet but this is often a hardship we face. Learning to overcome what loss feels like and to love again.

For years, I would cringe at certain types of music or movies and with certain locations and many other things because they all reminded me of one painful experience or another. Previous loves and hurts I had experienced or certain phrases I once said to someone or if I knew of a saying a previous love of my wife’s had said or used, I would avoid it. But I one day realized that I could take control and make those mine. Pain and hurt had become the walls around me controlling what I could do, where I could go, etc. I one day decided to take ownership of these things, break down their associations with the past, and be free to enjoy them again and associate them with things healthy and positive in my life. I am so much happier now.

I guess I just wanted to talk about the biggest challenge I face and I think a lot of us face; ourselves. I wanted to talk about taking ownership and control again and encourage myself and others to challenge the problems we have inside of us instead of laying one bandage on top of the other.What about you? What are your thoughts and would you like to share your challenges or observations?

Photo found at: http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Bonsai_Tree_071.jpg